The Art of Filtering

Saying ‘No’ to notifications, narcissists, and the news.

Each morning I open my verse-a-day site, hoping for a sip of living water—but lately I’ve had to wade through a swamp of ads to get it. There they are, blinking off the left, a video playing on the bottom right, a throbbing picture of the shoes I checked out on Zappos a month ago on the bottom. They’re all calling my name, pulsating, flickering, calling out for attention, wanting my eyes to just give them a glance, pleading for just a gander. (Okay, it’s official, when you use the word ‘gander,’ you are officially an old-timer.)

Well, at least that’s how it feels to me. It feels cat and mouse. It feels like a contest, a test of wills, and in the worst of moments, a battle.

This tension, I think, captures modern life. We need to filter and screen out the excess so we can focus on what is important to us. And it may well be a uniquely modern challenge. Did the 1800s folks have to sift like we do? They had other challenges—but I don’t think straining was one of them.

Here is my filtering practice in a nutshell: No notifications, no narcissists, and no news.

No notifications. I don’t receive any notifications on my phone. I don’t want to be pinged. If I want to know something, I’ll go for it. I recently downloaded the French Open app, a tournament I wanted to follow, and I inadvertently accepted its notifications. Then seeing it first thing in the morning surprised me. I didn’t want it first thing. I wasn’t used to being pinged. And it reminded me of my preference for no warnings or announcements or notices.

Now, of course, I do receive the ding of texts. But even with texts—the last bastion of relative privacy—I’ve been getting more and more unwanted ones. So now I quickly block and delete any texts from anyone I don’t know.

No narcissists. I try to filter out toxic people. I want exposure to no unhealthy relationships. This might be the most important screen of all. My radar may be a bit too tightly honed, but as soon as I sense the black hole of narcissism or the politically wound-up or the religiously-strident or the conspiracy-oriented, I go on high alert. I want to get away. I want to limit exposure. I will try to excuse myself courteously and not make it a thing. But sometimes its unavoidable. Sometimes it gets uncomfortable. But I’m unfazed, I will not waste my time with narcissists.

No news. As many of you know, I haven’t watched the news in ten years. I hear what I need to hear from other people and so far I haven’t suffered. I could curate my news on Google, for example, so that I get only what I’m interested in, as I hear some people have done. But that’s not for me. I’m fine with no news.

Closely related to news are ads, especially the pharma ads with the drumroll of side effects, a list that will make a hypochondriac out of you in seconds. I mute them. I plug my ears and hum, “La la la la…” I’ve refined my abilities to mute YouTube ads to Alcarez-level quickness, muting them within seconds, sometimes in less than a second, .4378 seconds being my standing record.

Even billboards I turn away from.

But I love being alive in a time when we have access to so much. The advances of technology in just my lifetime have been stunning. I can google anything, anytime, and have an answer in seconds. I have every conceivable song at my fingertips. (Are you kidding me?!? It’s simply amazing when you really think about it.) I have a map of the world in my pocket. I know the weather, almost to the degree, wherever I am. I can text instead of talk—love that one. I have the best interviews, with the world’s most fascinating people, with an ability to fast-forward through commercials, in my pocket, for free, anytime I want to access them.

Folks, folks, folks … is this not an incredible time to be alive?

But I want to choose. I want to decide when I access what. I don’t want information shotgunned at me. It’s too much, it’s too overwhelming, it’s too mind and psyche-altering.

And if you agree, but don’t quite have the will, apps there are aplenty that will help you.

For me, a key to my happiness, is screening out the unnecessary and only allowing in the wanted. Life has enough that is unwanted, and is sad, and is challenging. I don’t need to borrow trouble.

So, my verse-a-day for you, without a flickering picture of the latest multi-colored Asics shoe, is this: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Because in a world of dings and distractions, guarding your heart isn’t just spiritual—it’s survival.